Impossibly Positive

Monday, August 21, 2006

Snakes on a Plane?


Baby on a Plane?


I flew to the bay area on Friday for my step-grandmother's funeral. Nos couldn't come with me - no sense both of us taking the day off work - so I brought Rev on my own. We flew last month to visit my dad in Tahoe, so I was pretty confident that Rev and I would do just fine. Despite the gal's uncanny timing of filling her diaper moments before boarding and about 15 minutes before landing, it wasn't too bad.

There were many, many offers of help, and not a little assvice. The lady sitting two rows in front of me, while Rev was whining out of hunger during the beginning of our descent, said "Did you bring a pacifier? The pressure changes hurt their ears, and sucking on something helps." Yeesh. Thanks. As if I hadn't heard that one before! Although, here's a tip of my own: Do NOT open a sealed can of formula in mid-flight unless you want yourself and everyone within a 10-foot radius coated in a film of powder. Heh... Oops. That whole pressure thing, ya know?

The service was nice, and I saw cousins I hadn't seen in a decade. Dan was 10 last time I saw him, and now: Hi! Cute! Don't worry, we're not actually related. They're my step-dad's neices and nephews. I also got to see my old elementary school and neighborhood. We moved up here to Oregon when I was 12, so it was interesting to see how much bigger everything used to look. Seeing my childhood haunts from an adult perspective was kind of sad, because my memories were often brighter and cleaner than the reality.

Rev was pretty cranky in the airport on the way home, and the line for Southwest was HUGE. Since I was flying with a lap child, I couldn't use the express line. The only way to balance the carseat on top of the bag I was checking was to hold the bag at an angle. Rev was riding in her front pack, and I was totally the crazy-eyed lady bouncing up and down in the line while progressively tilting towards my bag as my back knotted up. As though to make up for the uncomfortable wait, security was a breeze, and I got to sit down about 1/2 hour before boarding.

A semi-cute man in his early 30s, dressed for a day cruising on a speedboat, sat across from us in the waiting room. He seemed normal enough until he leaned backwards, hat pulled down over his face, basically putting his head on the shoulder of the guy back-to-back with him, and giggled to himself. At this point, I looked at him with more interest. The guy behind him glared, and the giggler returned to an upright position, still huh, huh, huh-ing. A few minutes later, he turned to read the magazine belonging to the guy behind his other shoulder. You could see the reader was totally uncomfortable with a stranger breathing down his neck. Giggler mumbled something to the reader, but got no answer, and finally turned back to the front.

By this time, I'm convinced he's drunk, because he's too well-dressed to be mentally ill. His next victim was the lady sitting to his left. She was reading the real estate section of the paper, and Drunkard started up a conversation with her as well. Literally one out of every three words was actually comprehensible. There was a lot of uncomfortable smiling and nodding from her, and finally she just ignored him. Out of targets, he next focused on Rev. "Awesome," he said, making faces at her. I studiously looked the other direction, and turned Rev around so she was facing me. He continued to look at us with kind of a creepy look in his eye. Rather than continue to sit there, I decided to head on over to the pre-board area. As I stood, gathering up our belongings, he mumbled something containing the words, " little thing, aren't you...?"

That was it for me, thank you! I don't know if he was talking to me or to the baby, but it was awful either way. All I could picture was the Drunkard getting on the plane and sitting next to me, or anyone, for that matter. Clearly, he was not in his right mind. I let the ticketing agent at our gate know that he was acting a little funny, and they went over to talk to him. He was escorted out of the area just a few moments into their conversation. Hopefully they let him sober up and get on the next flight a couple of hours later.


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